Grief does this to you- it sneaks up when you least expect it to, sometimes in the strangest of places. The other night I made a quick run to the grocery store for a few things, and as I was walking down the shampoo aisle I smelled an old, familiar, comforting smell, and there it was: my childhood shampoo (well, actually it was conditioner, but you get the idea). Like many of my clients, I am acquainted with grief (I think it helps me to better do my job) and one of my closest attachment figures died more than 16 years ago. This is a significant amount of time but at milestone or challenging events, grief can resurface; by now, I almost expect this.
No one ever completely “moves on” after losing someone they love. You can move forward (and I sure hope you do), but you never forget.
If you are grieving and someone has told you to “let it go” or “move on,” I’m sorry. There is no time limit to grief (hello, 16 years here!). I recently listened to a podcast about an elderly woman who had lost her fiance when they were around 20 years old. She married someone else, had a family and a happy life, but she stated that her heart still missed her old beau. It doesn’t take anything away from the life she did have, but instead illustrates that grief can still impact us long after the loss has occurred.
So if you find yourself grieving at your wedding, the birth of your baby, your college graduation, holidays, vacation spots, or anywhere else (like the shampoo aisle!), it’s completely okay. It shows you have loved well and I’d encourage you to keep the memory of the person you lost alive.